


The Rule Ain't Quite "Do No Harm" But That's A Good Guess

by Corvid_Knight



Series: Demonstuck [33]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Demonstuck, Gen, kids being kids, kurloz is an asshole but like. A benign one at this point, weird magic ethics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 00:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16670905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvid_Knight/pseuds/Corvid_Knight
Summary: One hunter, one demon, mothman, and three (3) kids with magic powers walk into the kitchen. No, it's not a joke, D's just talking to his new kids about what they're allowed to do with magic, with a little help from his boyfriend and a good amount of hindrance from Kurloz.Also Kurloz says YOLO, so maybe this is just a really long and convoluted joke. Feel free to draw your own conclusions, my friends.





	The Rule Ain't Quite "Do No Harm" But That's A Good Guess

Gale doesn't want to be in the same room as Trizza, and you guess you can't really blame them. She's rougher than almost everybody else who lives at the safehouse, and more importantly she's immune to their magic and resistant to yours; it's _weird._

You seriously consider using your magic to convince them to come cooperate with what D wants, but in the end decide against it. It'd be hella ironic to do exactly what he's about to caution you and the others against doing, but that's the wrong kind of ironic. 

So. It takes twenty fucking minutes to talk the kid (who's half a head taller than you, looks maybe eight years older, and probably actually is at least two or three years older) into coming in and sitting down at the kitchen table. They take the seat across from Trizza, and even though you'd rather go hop up on the counter by where Grey's leaning against it, you grab the chair between the two of them, flip it around so you can sit backwards and have your wings free. 

(You _could_ just fold them out of existence temporarily, but nah. This is easier, even if you kind of maybe definitely look like a douche.) 

"Dude, isn't the cliche that _I_ get to sit like that?" D's already on one of the high stools, perched up there with his legs crossed like he's posing for a calender shot. (That thought instantly brings with it the vivid mental image of him in lingerie. Vivid, and somewhat unfortunate. You really hope Dave isn't skimming your mind right now.) 

**He ain't. I am.**

Ah. "Is Kurloz actually part of this, or...?" 

D blinks at you in what looks like bafflement. "Damn, the creepy fucker's here?" 

"Somewhere. He's in my head again." You shrug. Trizza bats at your feathers despite the fact that the motion brings them nowhere near her face. "It's cool." 

"Oh my god, demon in your head is the exact opposite of 'cool.'" D rubs his face and almost overbalances. "How the hell are you so bad at boundaries?" 

Kurloz laughs in your head. _**Lil' bird lets me in, Strider. I know where he doesn't want me poking around and I stay the fuck out of it.**_

When D doesn't react to that, you tell him, "Kurloz said—" 

"I heard him, I'm just not _talking_ to him unless he has some _manners_ and holds this fucking conversation like a normal person!" 

_**Be a motherfucking shame if I ever did anything normal.** _ You're pretty sure that you're the only one who's looking in the exact right place to see Kurloz silently materialize behind D, but Trizza obviously senses him a second after and Gale picks up on her interest, which means that everyone is looking when Kurloz taps D's shoulder and D almost falls off his stool. _**Satisfied?** _

" _Fuck_ —don't do that!" 

_**Don't do what you ask me to do? Sounds good to me.**_ Even though the stitches that held his mouth shut have been gone for longer than you've been alive, Kurloz's smile is still just a carefully subtle movement, barely there at all. 

Still noticeable enough for D to smack him. And miss, because Kurloz is not-there before the hit would connect. 

Grey's laughing and trying to stifle it. You're also laughing, although your attempts to smother yourself just mean you sound like a baby bird complaining about not being fed. You realize that Kurloz shadowstepped to right behind you when he ruffles your hair. 

D huffs, but he's grinning. "You done?" 

_**Probably not.**_

"You're done, shut the hell up. My turn." Your big bro settles himself more comfortably (maybe?) on the stool, crossing his arms. "Alright, you kids know why we're having this meeting?" 

"Because you forced us to, duh." 

"Correct but not really what I was going for, Trizza. Gale, Davesprite, y'all want a guess?" When Gale raises their hand, D sighs. "Okay, this isn't actually school; you can just talk." 

"Uh...we're in trouble? I'm in trouble?" 

"...no. You're not. Should you be?" 

"...not that I know of? I mean—" 

"Show of hands, who's set something or someone on fire, cause major property damage or personal harm, or summoned a demon or other supernatural creature in the past week?" When everyone's hand (including Grey's and Kurloz's) goes up, D amends that to, "Set something you weren't supposed to on fire or summoned a demon _who we don't personally know._ " 

Gale puts their hand down. So do you and Grey. 

D points at Kurloz. " _You're_ not my kid, put your hand down unless you want me to adopt you too." 

"Please do not." 

"Grey, I love you and I _do_ realize I'm a dumbass, but even I know that's a fucking horrible idea, I promise. Shut up. Trizza, who the hell did you summon this time?" 

"Nobody." 

"Alright, what'd you do that I don't know about?" 

Trizza grins and flips her bangs back from her face, and you catch a flash of her demon side in her eyes. (Gale flinches when she grins.) "Nothing you gotta know about." 

"Oh my god." D rubs his forehead for a second. "Okay, so Trizza might be in trouble, but that ain't what this is about. That's for later, when I find out what the fuck she actually did." 

"Oh, you won't find out." 

"I changed my mind, you specifically can't talk unless you raise your hand and I call on you. Davesprite, why are we here?" 

"Because we have magic." That's probably not all of the answer, but it's definitely the right one. Just because you look like you're maybe twelve doesn't mean you can figure shit out. 

" _Exactly_. You're kids—" 

"Fuck you?" 

"Trizza, you're like sixteen, shut up. That's a kid. You're kids, you have the kind of magic that doesn't just go dormant if you don't use it, and for _some_ reason I got voted as the best one to talk y'all through the ethics and shit. No fuckin' clue why—" 

_**If a fool knows one thing, it's how to do the "right" thing.**_ From the corner of your eye you can see Kurloz doing the air quotes with those slender tattooed hands. 

D, predictably, does not take that statement well. "Hey, right now putting a dagger through your arm seems like the right thing to do to me, so _maybe_ you wanna rethink that statement." 

_**Do it. I dare you. YOLO.**_

" _YOLO_? You're not allowed to talk to Hal anymore." 

You don't see Kurloz take the step out from behind you and up next to D without crossing any of the actual space between, but you get a good look at the wide grin that spreads across his face as he spreads his hands. _**Lil' bird and the shikigami's kids taught me that one, actually. Paid for it with some more sign lessons.**_

This time D just covers his eyes with one hand for a moment as he tries to come up with a response to this. After a second he points at you, managing to look almost convincingly stern. "No more teaching the demon slang." 

You just grin up at him. Trizza immediately offers, "Yo, if you teach me how to magic up explosives I'll teach you whatever the fuck you want!" 

" _No_! Kurloz, I will bump you right back up to the top of the danger list if you do that, I swear to god. Grey, back me up?" 

"I would, sweetheart, but isn't my job to keep you on track here?" 

"Wh—oh god _damn_ it." D huffs and crosses his arms, immediately uncrossing them to bat at Kurloz. "Would you sit the fuck down?" 

The demon shrugs and (for once) does what's asked othef him, pulling out the chair next to Gale and sitting down in it. Gale does not manage to be all that surreptitious in their attempt to scoot their own chair closer to you. 

"He's not gonna get you," you murmur as they finally give up on trying to make more space between themself and the demon than there can actually be while abiding by the laws of physics. "Calm down. You're okay." 

"He's a demon," they mutter back, just barely loud enough for you to hear. 

"So's Karkat, Gale." 

"That's different—" 

"Kurloz," D says, "switch sides. Now." 

Amazingly, he doesn't get an argument this time either. Kurloz shrugs, gets up, and pulls his chair over to sit between you and Trizza instead. _**Stay out of my pockets, Tethis.**_

"Aw, that's no fun." 

_**No but cutting off a couple of your fingers might be, kiddo.**_

"Goddamnit, Kurloz!" 

"D, focus." Again, Grey sounds like he's just barely holding back a laugh. 

"Oh yeah. Focus. That thing." D takes a deep breath, holds it for a minute, then huffs it out and takes another one to actually talk with. "Okay. So. Magic. Davesprite has powers tied to eye contact, mostly, and he's kind of got control over it in normal situations. Gale, you...we're still not sure what exactly you have; like, as far as we can tell you can do most shit you think you should be able to, and it works even if the rest of us have no clue why? But yeah, again, you can usually mostly control it—" 

"Uh—" 

"You don't gotta put your hand up." 

"Oh. Yeah. I, uh...can't always control my magic stuff. Like if I'm scared—"

"Yeah, I know, but when you're calm you can still make things happen. Not everybody can. And Trizza...we have no fucking clue what you do. Persuasion and setting off every fucking possession alarm we have set—" 

"It's not my fault your alarms suck!" 

"We're not doing this argument right now—and also you scare the shit out of demons that actually possess people. Like, to the point of actually being able to command lesser ones. Sometimes. Kind of. Anyway, all three of you have magic, and all three of you have some level of control, which means you're responsible for the shit you do. Which means you need rules." D sighs, looking at each of you in turn. (He does not look at Kurloz. You think at this point he's just decided to stay in denial about the demon unless he's forced to engage him.) "So. Anybody want to take a guess on what the big rule is?" 

Gale's hand goes up. And then down again, before D can do more than open his mouth. "Uh...don't kill anyone?" 

"...that's always a good idea and you're close. Trizza?" 

"Don't kill _other hunters._ " 

"Also usually a good idea, but I gotta point something out. If you've killed a hunter, raise your hand." 

D himself is the first one to put his hand up, but you're right behind him. Gale doesn't even move until they realize everyone else in the room has a hand in the air; at that point, they very slowly raise theirs. 

D nods, and points at Trizza. "I know you've never actually managed to kill anyone, but you came pretty damn close to getting Dirk killed, so we're gonna count it." Points at you. "Davesprite?" 

"I killed people because they were going to kill me." The memory of locking eyes with the researchers who kept you as a chick, of watching them drop? It still sucks. Enough that you can't help but pull your wings in around yourself and nestle down into them, hunching down and fluffing up until you're fairly sure you look like a ball of feathers. "I knew what was going to happen, I was...younger and less in control...I couldn't really find a lot of other ways out." 

Kurloz leans over to smooth down the feathers between your shoulderblades. For a second, his mental voice lacks the resonance that means everyone can hear. **Say you need to be done with this shit and I'll shut it down in a motherfucking second, lil' bird.**

So would D. You know he'll at least put this talk on hold if you can't cope, but honestly? Right now you're okay. Mostly. Enough. 

When you shake your head, Kurloz nods and deigns to notice that D's pointing at him. _**You know as well as anyone that I led your bro to die because it was the only way to keep the motherfucking world from ending again.**_

"Yeah, but you've punched me out for putting words in your mouth before. Grey?" 

"Diplomacy can only go so far, and I've been around long enough to run into people who won't participate in it at all. At that point..." Grey shrugs. "It's you, and everyone you're fighting for, or it's them." 

"Thanks, babe." D grins and blows a kiss, then looks back at the only person who hasn't said anything. His voice goes gentle as he asks, "Gale?" 

"I, uh—I—" 

"Look, you don't need to go into specifics here. Hell, I know you killed HDB assholes before—" 

"I'm _sorry_! I couldn't—my other stuff didn't work, I didn't know _that_ would happen, I swear, I didn't—" 

Gale quiets abruptly when you spread one wing out enough to drape over their shoulders. Even though you technically don't have feeling in your feathers, they're kind of like a cat's whiskers; you can feel that Gale's shaking. 

You shove your shades up and look up at D, thinking _be quiet_ at him and putting that little push in the thought that tends to make things happen when you combine it with direct eye contact. Sure enough, when he opens his mouth again nothing comes out, leaving him to just make weird faces for a minute at least, and leaving _you_ to scoot your chair closer to Gale, wrapping your wing around them more securely. 

Unsurprisingly, they respond to this by freezing up completely. From Gale, there are two things that could mean. Either they desperately need you to back off, or they really, _really_ want you to stay put until they calm down a bit more. You have absolutely no idea which it is. 

Fortunately, you know exactly who can find out. "Kurloz?" 

The demon tilts his head, eyes flaring bright luminous purple for a second. Then he gives you another tiny smile, and a thumb's up. 

Okay, good, stay put. Maybe even scoot up a bit closer, fluff yourself up a bit and croon at them...and of course, give Trizza the evil eye when she looks like she's going to say something. (You may or may not consider trying to put a bit of power in aforementioned evil eye, despite the fact that you're pretty sure it won't do anything. Eh, nonmagical evil eye seems to work fine this time anyway.) 

And they relax. Slowly. You can feel them fidgeting with the strings to their hoodie after a second, but that's probably actually a good sign, though. 

After maybe a minute, Grey clears his throat. "Davesprite." 

"Yeah?"

"You should probably fix D." 

"Oh. Shit." He looks like he'd probably appreciate it, you decide when you look up at him; you don't get to see him this exasperated at you specifically very often. Luckily the minor geas is even easier to undo than it was to set; just a tiny exertion of willpower does it. You're kind of surprised D didn't manage to throw it off by himself, actually. "Sorry." 

"You coulda just, y'know. Told me to shut up, maybe?" D shrugs, rolling his eyes at you before focusing on Gale instead. "You alright, or do you need a couple more minutes?" 

"Uh—I'm okay. Sorry." 

"Nah, this just means everybody's derailed this talk, you're not special. It's okay, Gale." D considers for a second, then nods at you. "Davesprite. What do you think the most important rule about using your magic on others is?" 

"Don't kill people on purpose," Trizza guesses. She then sticks out her tongue at you when you shake your head. 

You actually know the answer to this. After all, you've already been through the whole "have violent flashbacks in front of someone else, decide you're a monster for killing people, get reassurance, love, and eventually therapy for that shit" process, and for you that also included Rose explaining what she (and a lot of other magically abled hunters) consider to be their version of the Hippocratic oath. Or maybe their version of the samurai code thing Dirk's still borderline obsessed with. Or a combination of the two. That sounds good. The hipposhido oathcode. 

God damn but they should let you name everything. 

"If you can think about what you're doing, there's probably a way to not kill anyone," you answer. "If you can't think about what you're doing, go with the nonlethal option first. Like, brainwipes are good. Comas are also good. Inducing crippling phobias of shit like hair or shoes is both effective and _hilarious_ —" 

Gale is staring at you in a way that suggests they're either impressed or baffled. Possibly both. 

"—okay that's not part of the rule, but it's still funny. The rule is basically 'don't hurt anyone, unless you have to do it to protect yourself. _Then_ don't kill anyone, unless it's all you can do to protect yourself.'" 

D nods, giving you a double thumb's up. "And Davesprite wins a sticker! Actually all y'all win stickers, if I have any; this is a lot less exasperating than I expected. We're _hunters,_ yeah, because at some point back before my ancestors started fucking hot cryptids that was all we did and it seemed like a good word because we hunt down shit that hurts people. But really, you know what we are?" 

"Protectors," Grey offers up, in the space that D gives him. "Knights, perhaps." 

"Yeah, I was looking for the first one, babe, but I kinda like being the knight for once...we don't kill unless we have a damn good reason. And yeah, I get that you guys don't have full control over your weapons, and maybe you never will, but that's an explanation. You can't use it as an excuse for killing someone. If you've killed to protect yourself or others, though, or 'cause somebody backed you into a corner you couldn't get out of otherwise? I'll defend you for it with all I've got." 

Even though that's not the first time you've heard that promise, and even though it's aimed more at Gale than at you this time, it still sends a surge of relief up through your spine. Somehow you don't think you'll ever not be at least a little surprised at D's determination to stick with his family. 

Trizza, however... "So does calling in hits count as killing?" 

"Yeah, it does. And no, you're still not allowed to do that." 

"Bitch." 

"There is _literally_ no way you can spin that to be a reasonable act of protection, Trizza." 

"There is if you're not a pussy." 

D just shakes his head and leans back on his stool, apparently forgetting that it _is_ a stool for a second. That second is more than enough time for him to completely overbalance.

Grey actually manages two steps towards him before he hits the floor. That supernatural speed is always going to be so fucking impressive to you, no matter how many people you see it in... "D?" 

"Oh my _fuck_ —alright, class dismissed! Shoo!" 

You pull Gale to their feet, and shoo, with Kurloz right behind you. Someone else can solve the problem of getting Trizza to shoo. Someone who isn't you. 

You have more important things to do, and most of them involve learning more swear words in sign language. Hell. Fucking. Yes.


End file.
